You Write Like a Girl - Lesson Two

Here is my stab at lesson two and the teachers comments. I've got a lot to learn, but I think I'm on my way! We are supposed to describe our male character and his desires, strengths, and secret fears, etc. that makes him who he is.

Beau Beaumont is 48, 6ft tall with brown hair and green eyes. His is good looking in a rugged kind of way. Beau grew up in a large family and he remembers his childhood with fondness. His father was a part time minister and they were at the church every time the doors were open. During Beau's high school years he began hanging out with a rough crowd who liked to party and cause as much a ruckus as possible. Beau was sliding down a slippery slope faster than butter melting on a hot biscuit. After graduation he got into some trouble where he barely escaped with his dignity.

RH: WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE? WHY? THIS IS A GREAT CHARACTER DEFECT TO EXPLORE. WHY DID HE RUN WITH THE TROUBLE KIDS? WHY DID HE TURN OFF HIS MORAL COMPASS TO GO HIS OWN WAY?

He decided to go into the Army to get away from a bad situation. RH: WHY? WHAT IS THE BAD SITUATION?

It was the best thing that could have happened.

RH: WHY IS IT THE BEST THINGS?

He was assigned to the MP force and after he was discharged he began a life in law enforcement. He worked his was up until he is now Sheriff of Vans Valley, a small town in Georgia.

Life was good. He was married to a woman he loved very much and had a daughter that was the apple of her daddy's eyes. One day Beau was driving down the road with his wife and daughter as passengers. One minute they were riding along and the next Beau was unconscious.

RH: WHY WAS HE UNCONSCIOUS.

There were many days that he wished he had remained that way. However, he lived while his wife and daughter lost their lives that fateful day. Beau blames himself for their deaths and has been unable to forgive himself. Their deaths haunt him.

RH: WHY DOES HE BLAME HIMSELF? IF HE WAS DRUNK OR ON DRUGS OR SPEEDING, THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE. BUT IF HE PASSED OUT FROM ILLNESS OR SOMETHING, FEELING GUILTY WOULDN'T BE AS STRONG OF A MOTIVATION.

Beau has dated many women since that time, but if he thought things were beginning to get serious he would drop them like a hot potato. He is afraid to get close to anyone for fear of losing them.

RH: WHY? TO ME, FEAR OF LOSING SOMEONE COMES MORE FROM CONSTANT LOSE. DEATH, BREAKING UP, MORE BREAKING UP, GETTING DUMPED FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND. ETC.

WHILE HE SHOULD BE GRIEVED OVER THE DEATH OF HIS FAMILY, FEARING LOSE WOULD NEED MORE SUPPORT FROM HIS BACKSTORY TO CARRY THE BOOK. BUT YOU'RE ON THE RIGH TRACK!!

He doesn't want to go through the hurt and pain he has already had to endure. He is considered to be a great catch in Vans Valley, but Trixie doesn't seem to notice. Beau is attracted to Trixie, but she has a chip on her shoulder where men are concerned.

RH: WHY DOES SHE?

This works well for Beau - he feels he can just bide his time where Trixie is concerned.

OKAY, THIS IS GOOD. I LIKE THIS STORY A LOT, BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT BEAU WANTS.

IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING LIKE: BEAU BEAUMONT DOESN'T LIKE LIKE WHAT HE SEES IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR OF HIS LIFE. A TROUBLED TEEN JAILED FOR DRUGS AND VIOLENCE, A WIDOW AT THE AGE OF 40, AND FEELING THE PAIN OF LOSING HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

HE WANTS TO MOVE ON WITH HIS LIFE AND ...

SEE, HOW WE KIND OF GET INTO THE MEAT. WE NEED TO KNOW THE BACK STORY, BUT WE ALSO NEED TO KNOW WHAT HIS JOURNEY IN FOR THE DURATION OF THE STORY. HE WANTS THE SHERIFF JOB IN A SMALL GEORGIA TOWN. WHEN THEY TURN DOWN HIS APPLICATION, HE MOVES THERE TO FIND OUT WHY.

NOW WE SEE THE HOOK AND MOTIVATION.

GOOD JOB, DEBORAH!!

RACHEL